Once bitten, twice shy

It's funny sometimes how things can feel so wrong, that it makes you physically hurt....and your partner has no idea. There'd been some issues....some little stuff that just piled up....some bigger issues that I won't get into here, but issues enough that I couldn't bring myself to even think wedding plans. After telling Nate several times that we needed to talk, I finally got him to sit and listen....and he'd had no clue that anything was amiss.

Of course, he handled it in true male fashion....he blamed me. :/ Things got heated....we both got nasty....and at the end, neither of us could sleep. I got on the computer while he went downstairs to play a game for awhile. I chatted with my friend Roberto for a bit-sometimes it's nice to gain a male perspective. After a shot of rum, and some time, I finally felt sleepy again. I went downstairs to tell Nate I was going back to bed, and he joined me, where we had incrediably awesome sex. Funny thing...through all of this, our sex life hasn't suffered at all.

Things were still a little....uneasy this morning as he left for work, and through our various communication through the day. I had been napping when he got home from work, and he woke me up....resulting in awesome sex again. We ran some errands and he decided to take me out to my favorite Italian place on The Plaza, Brio ( http://www.brioitalian.com/) During our lovely dinner, he talked honestly and earnestly with me about how he wanted this to work. We decided to try counseling, which we had discussed before. After dinner, we went home, watched a movie with Short Stuff and went to bed....more amazing sex. :)

So, things appear to maybe be on the mend....then why am I still unsure? In the movie The Mexican the big question is "When two people love each other, when is enough, enough?" The answer, they claim, is never. Anyone who's been divorced can laugh bitterly with me. There has to be an enough. But when do you really know when it is? I put up with four years of hell the first time, but now, a month of strain makes me want to bolt. How much of this is legitimate concerns and how much is an over developed sense of survival?

In an ironic twist, on the way home the radio was playing Great White's "Once Bitten, Twice Shy" Nate asked me to explain exactly what that meant. I had no issue there, trust me.

So....what to do? At this point I think I'm just going to go curl up with the man I love, and let fate decide where it wants us...with a little help of course.

~K

"You told me I was the only one
But look at you now, it's dark, and you're gone
My, my, my, I'm once bitten, twice shy baby. "
Great White-Once Bitten, Twice Shy