Two tears in a bucket....

Ever find one of those songs that perfectly describes how you're feeling at that moment? Nate tells me this is more a female thing than male, but I think he just has no soul.

This is the song of the moment. There's a certain amount of irony in the title that some of you will get.

Beautiful Disaster - Jon McLaughlin

She loves her momma's lemonade

Hates the sounds that goodbyes make

She prays one day she'll find someone to need her

She swears there's no difference

between the lies and compliments

It's all the same if everybody leaves her

And all the magazines tells her she's not good enough

The pictures that she sees makes her cry

She would change everything, everything, just ask her

Caught in the in between of beautiful disaster

She just needs someone to take her home

She's giving boys what they want

Trying to act so nonchalant

Afraid to see that she's lost her direction

She never stays the same for long

Assuming that she'll get it wrong

Perfect only in her imperfection

She's not a drama queen

She doesn't wanna feel this way

Only 17 and tired, yeah

She would change everything for happy ever after

Caught in the in between of beautiful disaster

She just needs someone to take her home

She's just the way she is

But no one's told her that's okay

She would change everything, everything, just ask her

Caught in the in between of beautiful disaster

She would change everything for happy ever after

Caught in the in between of beautiful disaster

She just needs someone to take her home

She just needs someone to take her home

~K

The cosmos can kiss my ass

SATURDAY: Sharing your deepest feelings with a loved one will demonstrate your willingness to let people get closer to you, which will generate an atmosphere of intimacy and trust.


FUCK THAT!
~K

"I can't wait forever is all that you said
Before you stood up
And you won't disappoint me
I can do that myself"
Glen Hansard - Leave

My tarot card for the day...

Now, I've been signed up for this tarot card thing since 2001, and only recently have actually started reading them. They've been surprisingly accurate, to the point of being a little creepy. This is today's:

The Chariot (reversed)
You may be distracted, fickle, or in a rut, or continue to invest time or energy in pursuit of vain, exciting, cocky, or overly confident partners, who are either out of your league or undeserving. Watch for the influence of another such "winner;" one who may require constant approval, nurturing, spectacle, or support; but this one might use you to get out of his or her own slump, or boost his or her own confidence and popularity rating. Be prepared to "bow" out gracefully should it be discovered that rather than a relationship, this romantic, domestic, or social influence was in it for the challenge, trophy, immediate gratification, or status.

The reason I mention this....this is a big issue of mine. I can't tell you how many guys I've dated, or guy friends I've had, that I've done EVERYTHING that I can to try to help them emotionally, to rebuild them after something/one has torn them down. I'm a fixer. Always have been. I'm the chick that will tell you how nice your new haircut looks, how wrong it was that you were passed over for that promotion, that it was your ex girlfriend who was crazy, not you. (Now, to clarify, I won't say these things if I don't actually BELIEVE them.) And so it goes. At first you're uncomfortable thinking that you're special....then you start to like it....then you need it. The issue is, that appears to be my sole position in your life. We only talk when you need that rush of a self esteem boost. As soon as you're "healed" we either slowly drift away or you just find a new girl and neither of us wants to stick around to see how THAT works out.

Romantic or platonic, it's the same thing. As annoying as it is, you have to look at it and see that what these guys all have in common....is me. I'm the MCD. It's MY fault for allowing this to happen. And yeah, it's nice knowing that I help these people regain some self confidence....but what about MINE?
~K

"Selfishly hated, No wonder you're jaded.
You can't play the victim this time."
Call Me When You're Sober - Evanescense

Nollaig Shona Dhuit!

Just wanted to wish everyone a merry Christmas....if that's your thing. If not, then happy extra day off from work. Look for updates Weds!
~K
"Do yourself a favor and take the rare opportunity to share a moment or two with those around you. Me and Jesus want you to. But mostly Jesus."
Ryan Sohmer

Define "irony"

Courtney Love was in the movie Sid and Nancy.

How fucking odd is that?

PostSecret of the week, and Weekend Update

The events of the past few months really made this strike home for me. Ending toxic friendships, starting the new business, all of it....the start of a new life...and I like it!

This weekend was pretty ok. Friday we saw the movie, then had dinner at Panera, came home and watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Saturday was yucky weather wise, but we wanted out so we ran some errands and had breakfast/dinner at Chubby's (our restraunt...where we sat in our booth...and played our song.) That ended with an arguement about the war, because sometimes men just *can't* be wrong. We came home for a bit, then headed to the grocery store with Addie to get some stuff for dinner. Came back, ate, and watched Fear and Loathing, then Nathan went to bed. I wound up staying up all night reading, and woke him up around 10. He dropped me off for breakfast with my mom and sister, then the three of us went Christmas shopping. Got Addie's kitchen, and stocking stuffers for my mom. We grabbed dinner and they dropped me off. Addie and I crashed out at 10.

Uneventful really.

Tomorrow Nathan and I are viewing a free showing of the movie Juno which might be fun. Sunday is Christmas with my extended family, Monday night at Mom's, then Tuesday everyone is coming over here. Insanity. I've decided I'm not having a shindig here after all. I'm rounding up a crew and checking out the VooDoo Lounge's NYE bash instead. Tickets are only $30, and hell, I'd spend more than that putting something on here. Let me know if you wanna go!

~K
"You better take care of me, Lord. If you don't you're gonna have me on your hands."
Raoul Duke - Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

Is rape against self just masterbation?

So tonight we went to see I Am Legend. If you're at all familar with the book, I do NOT reccomend it. I was beyond disappointed.
One of the things that I like best about Matheson is that he wants to be part of the book to movie adaptation to preserve his works. I have huge respect for an author that doesn't just cash the royalty check and go on his merry way leaving his works to be raped and plundered. He's said that he was overly happy with this version, and I was expecting perfection.

What I got was tripe.

Now, I should have seen this coming. Matheson actually did the screenplay for "The Last Man On Earth" in 1964, which was the original version, with Vincent Price. That was almost word for word from book.....but Matheson wasn't happy with it, so he had Omega Man made in '72. The fact that the version that was practically reading from the book wasn't good enough should have clued me in that the author wanted to change the story 50 years later.

The ending was changed soooo much, that the title was killed. "I am Legend" had one meaning in the book, but in the movie, that part was totally ignored, thus, a quick cheesy meaning had to be concocted. Sooo much was left out, a lot of it relevant to the original story.

I asked Nate, post viewing, if it was still considered rapage, if it was the raper's work.

All in all, I lost a lot of respect for Matheson tonight...and that hurts me.


He's so not getting a Christmas card this year.
~K

http://www.premiere.com/moviereviews/4320/i-am-legend.html

(I agree completely!)

Random Addie-speak

A: I love you so much, Momma.
K: I love you too, Saggy Britches
A: HEY! I do NOT have britches! I am a LADY!

Addie birthday

Hey all. Just ignore this post. Addie's birthday is a month after Christmas, and since I'm done with her for Christmas, I wanted a place to keep a list of ideas for her birthday that I can access from anywhere. :)

-Barbie movies
-Ballet shoes and outfits
-Doll house
-table and chair set

A-ha!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20071211/ap_on_re_us/word_of_the_year

This, coupled with my mother using both "meh" and " :/ " yesterday are signs that my way of life is finally considered socially acceptable! Next, let's try for gay marriage!

Just a wee bit o' chat

It's five in the morning, and I'm still up. Why, you may ask? Because I just watched the first half of Big Love, and plan to get the other half to finish tomorrow. I watch very little TV, and this is one of the few shows that actually captured my interested. I suggest checking it out. I'm currently watching Angela's Ashes, because we have one of those Blockbuster Rewards program things, so I get a free Favorites rental with every new release rental. I also got "Barbie and the 12 Dancing Princesses" for Short Stuff, because I rock like that. Guess who was Supermudder tonight?

Tomorrow I'm going to attempt to catalog the movies I've seen recently and reccomend, but for tonight, I leave you with the quote that I just heard from the movie, that made me want to make this post to record it for prosperities sake. It ties in to the PS of the week.
~K

"A happy childhood is hardly worth the while."
Frank McCourt

Just one more thing....

Thought you guys might like to see the Christmas pics.

http://www.geocities.com/katransue/christmaspics.html

~K

Finally, it's happened to me...(aka Weekend Update)

I have finally broken down and joined the masses of the lazy. That's right dear readers, I'm typing this on my laptop....IN BED. Not that I've been to sleep yet, but hey...still in bed. Tragically, I now have stayed up so late I'm not the least bit sleepy, so I think I shall attempt some house cleaning while awake. That should knock me out in no time. Manual labor has that affect on me.

So...this weekend.
Friday was the office warming party. "Office?" you say. "What office?" Well, I broke down and took a leap of faith. I've started my own event planning business. I've registered a domain name, am in process of designing a web page, and have secured office space in Wesport. I'm a real businesswoman now. The shindig was a nice little affair, with friends coming out to see the space and show their support. The desk hasn't made it to the office yet, but that wound up being a good thing. As it was, we had so many people we were spilling into the lobby. Luckily, it was late so the building was empty. All in all, it was a great start to what will hopefully be a wonderful and lucrative career for me. :)

After the shindig, Nathan and I rented some movies and stayed up until 5 am watching them. We've rented quite a few lately, and some are worth checking out, so I think I'm going to make a sidebar of movies viewed and reccomended. He stayed the night, and we slept WAAAY in Saturday.

I was supposed to have a reunion planning meeting back in my home town, but luckily it was cancelled due to the ice. I got up at 1, he at 2, and we fittered around the house for a bit. The plan was to spend the weekend at my mom's, but I wasn't going to go because of the weather...until Nathan started making noises about heading home, and I realized I was bored stiff already. Being iced in with a toddler is not an encouraging thing, lemme tell ya. Long story short, he took Short Stuff and I down to Mom's, where Auj and her youngest happen to be staying ATM. (Long story) I cooked dinner for everyone, then we decorated her house for Christmas. We crashed there and in the morning I made breakfast for everyone. Nathan came and picked us up, and the rest of Sunday was spent lounging around....though I did a little cleaning.

All in all, it was a nice relaxing weekend, regardless of the shitty weather here. I also want to point out it's the third weekend in a row I've spent at my mom's with no bloodshed! That's gotta be a record!

Let's hope I have something more exciting to report later in the week.
~K

SS: I wanna talk to him.
K: Who? Santa?
SS: Yeah.
K: Ok, we'll go see him on Friday, ok?
SS: Yay! And I can ask him if I can open my Christmas presents! And he will say YES! Yay!
(Something different. Bit of Addie-convo)

PostSecret of the Week

I realize that it's been a few weeks since I've done this. I've been rather busy and will post more as to why later tonight...hopefully.

This week's secret really struck home. As I've gotten older I've noticed that my generation differs greatly from the previous one of our parents, in that it's social acceptable to discuss your traumatic childhoods. While the past 20+ years, things were to be kept hush-hush, persons this day and age are comfortable chatting about dysfunction over a casual cup of coffee. While I believe that everything that you've gone through has made you the person you are today, and that if you're ok with who you are, you have to accept EVERY part of it, not just the good things....it's nice being able to see that almost every family is just as fuckered up as mine. :)

~K

"They fuck you up, your mum and dad.

They may not mean to, but they do.

They fill you with the faults they had

And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn

By fools in old-style hats and coats,

Who half the time were soppy-stern

And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.

It deepens like a coastal shelf.

Get out as early as you can,

And don't have any kids yourself."

This be the Verse-Phillip Larkin

(I love this poem, though I don't agree with the last line.)

Quick note

Danny-boy is a GAWD to me.

Guess who's gonna be #1 on MySpace now? :D


More on all that later!
~K

This week's PS and Another one bites the dust.

As for the PS of the week-

I came home tonight and checked PS, and found a handful of them that I could relate to. However, the events of this week were weighing heavily on my mind, so I decided it was time to make mine. Will I send it in? Who knows at this point. It might be one of those things that is thereputic just getting it out.

I'd mentioned that I was ridding my life of unhealthy relationships this month. Tonight I made a tough call, but one that already makes me feel better, and ended things with Heth. I'd explain why, but it wouldn't be fair to make accusations in a medium that she can't defend herself, no matter how just those accusations may be. Cliff Notes, I am no longer going to allow people to "fix" themselves at my expense.

Directly after this, I attempted to stop by Nate's to cry and his shoulder, and crash on his couch. He was gone. At that time of night, it means one thing. He's moved on, physically at least. Considering I haven't, it hurt, though more in a melancholy way than anything else.

Another relationship was ended this week, not because I didn't want the person in my life any longer, but because I felt it was the right thing to do. So know that I do care for you, but this way is best for everyone involved. I'm sorry if you're hurt....I never intended that....but I don't want anyone else hurt either.

It's been a rather emotionally draining week. I haven't even mentioned the bad dates! Perhaps tomorrow I will, to draw Hell Week to close on a humorous note. Regine Spektor sold out, so I won't be going to that. :( However, there's a PS event in KC on Monday I plan on attending, so I suppose things are looking up. For the mean time....

I'm still here.
~K
"I'm holding on your rope, Got me ten feet off the ground
I'm hearin what you say but I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me Then you go and cut me down, but wait
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around, and say that...
It's too late to apologize"
Apologize-One Republic

Pardon Our Mess

I've been doing some blog remodeling. I removed some elements on the side but will be adding some in a few days as well. I'm perfecting the break-up playlist, not because I'm still mad...more because I'm overly creative, and when I start something, I have to finish it.

Let's see, I haven't talked to Cass for weeks, and I'm loving it. Broke of ties with Linds, another drama queen, "everything is about me" friend, and feel lighter for that too. I shortened my Yahoo friends list from 30+ to 7. I registered the website for the business. I cut my hair. Halloween was great. Short Stuff was a princess and I was a 50's housewife, though she kept calling me "Snow White" Got a job offer for GOOOOD money...in Tulsa, so I'm kicking around the idea of moving there. Searching for a new doctor because the specialist I was sent to was an asshat. There appears to be a light at the end of the tunnel, so I'm happy about that. Dating is null right now, though I'd rather weed out the bad ones BEFORE a relationship starts. There's one though...hmm....not sure how to describe it. It should probably be another post in itself, so we'll see.

Oh, and I know I'm behind on PS's. I'll work on that tomorrow.
~K

Again!

I've got to start turning off the computer. This one makes me giggle though.

awest696969: hi would u like to talk to a horny 31/m/kc looking to meet
Kat: L
Kat: ;;;;+444N L
awest696969: what?


See, he thought he might get cyber or a hook up...but...yeah, ok. If I have to explain why I'm laughing...

~K

SS takes on Yahoo

I left the comp up while I ran an errand and it would seem Short Stuff tried her hand at it. I come back to this message.
We did not find results for: iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
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4444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444 iiii. Try the suggestions below or type a new query above.

Cracked me up.
~K

Post 3 of 3 - Post Secret of the week

Finally! I was cut off from PS for a few weeks, but when I saw this one this week, I almost lost it. My father passed away 1-3-00 of colon cancer. Each year has gotten easier, and while I regret that he never got to see his grandkids, won't see what we've become, what hurts most is knowing that his best chances to be a father were lost.

~K
"Yes I know when that you have to go
and I have to grow up too
Oh can't I stay right here and be daddy's little girl"
Karla Bonoff - Daddy's Little Girl

Post 2 of 3 - Bitterness+Creativity=Playlist

So I decided the other day to craft the perfect breakup playlist. I've included it for your amusement/therapy. Notice the names of the songs are actually links to the lyrics...cause I rock like that. In some cases I've included the lyrics

Kat's "Men are assholes" Break-up Playlist

(In no particular order)

Another One Bites the Dust - Queen (I included this one, because after we broke up the first time I jokingly asked what he thought our song should be, and he said rather bitterly this.)

Rapid Hope Lost - Dashboard Confessional (See the lyrics on the post below)

Paperthin Hymn - Anberlin (Who's gonna call on Sunday morning? Who's gonna drive you home? I just want one more chance to put my arms in fragile hands I thought you said forever Over and over The sleepless night becomes bitter oblivion)

Goodbye to You - Michelle Branch (And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time I want what's yours and I want what's mine I want you But I'm not giving in this time)

How to be Dead - Snow Patrol (Why can't you shoulder the blame Coz both my shoulders are heavy From the weight of us both You're a big boy now so let's not talk about growth You've not heard a single word I have said...Oh, my God)

Hate Me - Blue October (Hate me today Hate me tomorrow Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you Hate me in ways Yeah ways hard to swallow Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you)

How's It Gonna Be - Third Eye Blind (I wonder how it's going to be When you don't know me How's it going to be When you're sure I'm not there How's it going to be When there's no one there to talk to)

Sooner or Later - Breaking Benjamin (Sooner or later you're gonna hate it Go ahead and throw our life away Driving me under, leaving me out there Go ahead and throw our life away)

Nothing Good About Goodbye - Hinder (Every story has two sides In the he-said-she-said fight There's nothing good about goodbye)

How To Save A Life - The Fray (He will do one of two things He will admit to everything Or he'll say he's just not the same And you'll begin to wonder why you came Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend Somewhere along in the bitterness)

This Is How A Heart Breaks - Rob Thomas (And I'm steady but I'm starting to shake And I don't know how much more I can take This is it now Everybody get down This is all I can take This is how a heart breaks)

Behind These Hazel Eyes - Kelly Clarkson (Here I am, once again I'm torn into pieces Can't deny it, can't pretend Just thought you were the one Broken up, deep inside But you won't get to see the tears I cry)

Only - Nine Inch Nails (Yes I am alone but then again I always was As far back as I can tellI think maybe it's because Because you were never really real to begin with I just made you up to hurt myself And it worked)

I Miss You - Blink 182 (Will you come home and stop this pain tonight Don't waste your time on me you're already The voice inside my head)

The Gift - Seether (I'm so ashamed of defeat And I'm out of reason to believe in me I'm out of trying to get by)

Ridiculous - Bowling For Soup (We fall down on the inside; pretty on the outside. Turn it around, can we turn it around? Try to make a comeback with nowhere to start from now.)

It Ends Tonight - All American Rejects (Pretty much that entire song. Yeah.)

*Boiler - Limp Bizkit* ({Courtesy of my friend Tiff} Why did I have to go and meet somebody like you? Why did you have to go and hurt somebody like me? How could you do somebody like that? Hope you know that I'm never coming back)

So that's the revised version. Enjoy.

Post 1 of 3 - The Story of Us

Ok, you're going to get a few posts here, because I have a lot to say right now.
So.
Three weeks ago today I T-boned a guy at an intersection I thought was a four way. Oops. I called Nathan, he left work early and came home. We had sex, and he tells me that he wants to leave. Fine. So the next few days I treated him like a roommate, turned down sex....he hated it. Things seemed better.
Then, last Weds. we had an argument and he moved out. That would be the 10th....our technical four month anniversary. He came over to talk Friday and we decided that we'd still be together, just not living together.
That was fine until Sunday when I stopped by his parents (where he moved back) and realized that he has it so easy there while I'll be struggling with him, emotionally and financially. I told him I couldn't see him because I'd just be angry and resentful and I'd wind up miserable and hating him. I tried to leave a number of times and he wouldn't let me. I went to the bar, got drunk, and he came to pick me up and have me crash at his house. When he picked me up he said that he wanted to move back in. We decided he'd move in this week after he told his parents on Tuesday.
I called him this morning and his parents weren't happy so he's not moving back in.
So I'm done.
~K
"So much for all the promises you've made.
It served you well and now you're gone
And they're wasted on me.
So much for your endearing sense of charm.
It served you well and now you're gone
And it's wasted on me.
I guess that all you got is all you're gonna to get.
So much for, so much more."
Dashboard Confessional-Rapid Hope Loss (Note the scroller to the side...with the incorrect lyrics)

Like The Flash....

Ok, this has to be quick. Due to the roommate changing situation, we ain't got no net right now. :(

I had a car accident. We broke up. That is all.

More later!
~K

Post Secret/Weekend Update

This weeks PS hits home. The co-dependant clusterfuck that is my family sometimes just gets to be too much and I wish I could just walk away. But I love them....they're my history. So I stay.

Nothing to report for the weekend, really.
~K

"And I know that we're gonna be fine
And the tattooed mistakes
Are gonna fade over time
As long as we live, time passes by
And we won't get it back when we die"
Bowling For Soup-When We Die

Brain Droppings*

Morning! I can't sleep yet because Addie emptied a container of Vaseline on herself, her hair, and my bedsheets, which are currently in the dryer. The sheets, not Addie. I thought I'd take the time to post a blog. I have some minor things to say, but nothing real major. Hence the title "Brain Droppings"

Webcomics
I've added more! ST is about a group of friends who write a comic together, and their outlying social circle. It's full of soap opera like twists. Made me laugh until I cried. PNP is about a lesbian retail worker and her girlfriend. Drawn by the same talent as ST. Cute. OB has awesome cartoon graphics, and outrageously funny story lines. Orneyboy is a goth half-empty who lives with his vegan optimist gf Dirtygirl, their two cats (one of whom is was turned into an octianus by the Necronomicon {I own a copy! I'll have to try that at my next party!}) and their pet zombie, Brian. (See?!? Hilarity!) Check them out, huh?

Avatar
I changed my Yahoo Avatar to reflect my new business venture. Any ideas on what it is? (And no, I'm not pulling an Anna Nichole)

Job Hunt
The job hunt is going slow. Should pick up this week though, I have two interviews. One is for a part time position, which would be awesome with the kiddo and starting the new gig. Wish me luck!

Health
I don't have cancer! For those of you who didn't know it was possible. Now it's not, but that also means it's probably another issue. More on that when I know for sure. In the meantime, just send happy thoughts my way, ok?

Roommates
M is moving out at the end of the month, and tonight I learned C&K are too! Woot! Place to ourselves! I talked to David, and he's going to stay. We haven't had an issue (other than having to share my computer at the moment...PLLLLEASE hurry Geek Squad!) and he loves being around Addie full time. Nate's all for it, so everyone seems to be on board. David and I always said we wished there was a way we could live together without killing each other. Turns out a live in boyfriend is the answer. Who knew? :P

Well, I think that's the gist of it. Stay tuned for the next post!
~K

"Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe"
Anna Nalick-Breathe

Post Secret of the week & Weekend Update

I collect Post Secrets like they're trading cards. Some I keep because I can relate, some I keep because they remind me of friends, and some are just too funny not to keep. There were a couple I kept from this week's batch, but none really applied to my life ATM, so I delved into my stash and pulled this one out. One of the things that I love best about that site is that at least once a week there's a card that makes me think "Gee, I thought *I* was the only one that thought/felt that..." When I found this card, I was ecstatic. I don't feel so odd now. :)

*Warning! The following monologue has several instances that could be considered TMI. Proceed with caution.*


So...the weekend. Saturday I woke up with a bug up my butt and cleaned the house hardcore. By hardcore I mean I was dusting baseboards even. Heth and I were supposed to go to a concert in Lawrence, but decided not to, so we just went out to dinner at Cheeseburger in Paradise IMO they have the *best* spinach dip in KC, bar none. Locals, if you check out the Legends locale, sit at the bar and ask for Steve. He rocks. Afterwards we hit Wal-Mart for playing cards, and I purchased 20 million binders for a business endeavor I'm planning (more about that later this week)...which I left in Heth's trunk at the end of the night. :/ We went back to my place for Appletini's and poker with Nate. (To his credit, he didn't drink the Tini's. He's a manly man. He drank a Boulevard Wheat!) We played poker, and I won of course (second time this week I've kicked his ass at poker!) It was late, so Heth crashed there. I went upstairs but wasn't sleepy, so thought I'd pop into the local all night diner for some hashbrowns and coffee while I worked on business stuff.


Now, I should mention at this point that David has been driving my car for the past two weeks plus. I've used it once in that time. I get in and there is this HORRID knocking coming from the glove box. I pull back into the drive, and ask Nate to take a look at it. He can't figure it out, but says since it's not coming from the engine, it's not dangerous. (That logic escapes me as the sound was coming from the air bag, but ok...) I get online to research it and find that Explorers have an issue where the door to the housing for the little motor that switches the car from heat to cool (as in A/C vs. Heater) will break and hit the motor. Long story short, it's a grand to have a shop fix, a pain in the ass to fix yourself, or I can just rip out the door through the glove box and deal. Considering I haven't had air since two weeks after I bought the car (thanks to David's Sadim (Midas backwards....everything you touch turns to shit...Pat Conroy "Prince of Tides" reference) touch regarding A/C's in new vehicles) I'm just pulling it out and I'll worry about it come next May. I prefer REAL air anyway and usually just roll down the windows.


So I head downstairs to tell Nate all this...and about the second of 15 steps down, my feet decide they're sick of all this walking and go on strike. I start to fall forward and throw myself backwards, landing on my ass, and kinda ski down the stairs, playing human pinball because my elbows are trying to stop me. (They were pretty fucked up for their efforts, too.) I land at the bottom, too hurt to cry, but luckily Nate heard the crashing and figured out rather quickly what it was, so he appeared in the doorway about two seconds after I landed. He was quite comforting, and helped me to the couch. I went to the bathroom to survey the damage, which, from my view, was a rather bruised left elbow, and a right elbow that hurt just as bad, but was sucking it up and refusing to show any sign of injury. (He thinks the left elbow is a pussy.) I wonder to myself if my ass is bruised at all since it is spasming with white hot flashes of pain, so I drop trou and look. It was purple...and red....'cause it was bleeding. Somehow I ripped my flesh apart. I had to wake up Heth to administer first aid (she's a nurse) and I was a tad worried I was going to have to get ass stitches. (It appears your posterior bleeds a lot. No really. A LOT.) She managed to staunch the flow and bandaged me up (I don't think I've ever had a band-aid on my butt before.) I gently fold myself into bed and try to remember (mostly unsuccessfully to not put weight on my elbows when I turn.) I fall into a fitful sleep.



Sunday I wake up around 2 p.m. (What? I fell at six am and finally made it to bed at 8!) and every muscle in my body is killing me. I've been in car accidents and didn't hurt this much after. I should mention that I've never been in a bad accident though, knock on recycling-company-sponsored-saved-from-the-dozer-rainforest-wood. (I'm trying to add some current events here. Sue me.) I was supposed to go down to my mom's to hear about her recent trip to California and snag some souvenirs around one. I get up, take some meds, and call her. When I tell her what happened, she suggests we meet for dinner instead. I get Addie ready and we head out. We have a nice dinner, Addie gets awesome souvenirs (a tee-shirt that came in handy....keep reading....and this kick-ass Sleeping Beauty bank.) I got some bath salts my sister made in Cali, and these J Lo sunglasses/ski goggles that make me look like a bug. I'll be handing those off to Cass. Nate got a t-shirt. (I was so fucking touched my mom got him something I cried. I'm such a girl.) After dinner I stop by Payless to get Addie some winter shoes, because the only thing she has ATM is sandals, and the temps have dropped here. The saleslady was a complete bitch, to the point that I was ready to just leave without the shoes but my mom pointed out I shouldn't disappoint Addie just because the lady sucked. Now, I have to interject that Addie's been battling a bit of a bug this weekend. At the shoe store she passed some gas that sounded like a trucker letting out his Jake brake. There was another family shopping at the same time, and we had all talked, joked, etc. The son, who was about 16, was playing with Addie, chasing her around. Mom went to get Addie and he said he'd bring her....picked her up and turned her on her side....can you see where this is going? The contents of the pull-up allllll spilled out...onto the floor...Addie's clothes....the kid's clothes....EVERYWHERE. Long story short, the family was TOTALLY cool about it all...the saleslady was pissed but acted nice, letting me clean up Addie (who rode home in a diaper fashioned from a bandana and a Wal-Mart bag, and in her new shirt from California). We got home, I threw the kiddo in the tub, and all was well.



So...that was my weekend. How was yours? :)

~K

"Ain't that a "b" with an itch
Ain't that a mother trucker"
Bowling For Soup - A Friendly Goodbye
(What else do you think fits for this post?!?)

Ch-ch-ch-changes.

I've always wanted to use that as a subject line. Come to think of it, maybe I have before. Hrmm. Point of the story-

You might have noticed that I've added some things to the right hand navigational bar. (Notice I pretend more people than just Cass read this...and not just when I tell her too.)

I felt like posting, but don't feel like sharing my recent major life events just yet, so I thought I'd review these changes:

Welcome Message- Self explanetory.

Pictures- See above.

Books- Just click the links to find out about them.

Webcomics- I should note that these are for ADULTS, and adults alone. I highly reccomend starting at the first comic and reading from there, but I'll cover the high points. CAD is a gamer comic, consisting of a bunch of gamer roommates, and games. Anyone who has ever been a gamer...or dated one *raises hand* can appreciate. DS is one I'm newer to, stumbled across it via another comic. It's cute, though not very deep. Robots and porn stars, what's not to like. LICD is awesome. If the author liked fat chicks, I'd propose. Revolves around a group of friends, center player being the biggest asshole you've ever met...and yet, you still love him. LFG, another gamer comic, this is more for those D&D players out there *raises other hand* (What? I don't play anyMORE....though I first met Nate as my first DM.)

Hip Mamas-I wandered into Meetup.org the other day and this group caught my eye. Addie and I have our first meeting with them next week! I'm sure I'll post all about it. :)

Well, sadly, that's it. I suppose it's off to bed for me now. Ciao!
~K

"With your feet in the air and your head on the ground
Try this trick and spin it, yeah
Your head will collapse
If there's nothing in it
And you'll ask yourself
Where is my mind"
The Pixies-Where Is My Mind
(Yeah, I know it doesn't fit...but it's stuck in my head. Sue me.)

Witchicoo.

She was born June 29, 1931. In 1955, she married a 19 year old Irish boy who looked like Dean Martin. They would go on to have five children-four girls and a single boy. She drove a taxi for a living when I came to know her, and would always recount the story of my birth with the memory of that was the day she had the tires changed on the #42 - but her most important job was that of a mother. She was a tough old bird who loved Colorado, and cried the day John Denver died. She like snowmen, and cardinals, and made the best biscuits and gravy around. She began guitar lessons at the age of sixty and once shook the hand of Michael Landon. As was typical of her generation, especially in the Irish culture, she drank and smoked without a thought to the long term affects. Eventually it caught up with her, and she had to be placed on dialysis. On September 9th, 2005, she died.

Her name was Elva Naomi (Foster) Connelly, and she was my grandmother.

Growing up, I never thought my grandma liked me. She ran her home like a battleship, no nonsense and all order, and small childrem rarely understand that, especially stubborn, inquisitive ones, like me. All my life she was this impressive presence, and when I was young, I thought her some dreadful queen in the same caliber of a Disney villainess. Yet, I craved her attention and affection just the same.

When I was nine, I spent the day with her and one of my aunts, and she pulled out a poem that she'd written for me the day I was born. I can recall the memory with little effort...her in her perch to the right of Grandpa's desk, her "reading" voice reciting the words she'd written with such pride, over a decade before, about "Bill and Omy's first grandchild."

As I matured, I looked back at all the little things I'd been blind too: the stocking with my name on it she got my first Christmas, the crisp dollar bill that was present every December 25th in said stocking, the birthday cards with my age matched in singles, the little candy presents on holidays with her homemade tags...the fact that she called me Kate, when everyone else referred to me as Katie. When I had my daughter, my grandmother came by our room after her dialysis appointment- even though they drained her physically and mentally- and, watching her hold my baby, bridging four generations, I realized, that, just like you receive no training manual with your first child, grandchildren don't come with instructions either. I was the learning experience, and she did a damn fine job of figuring it out. I'd always had her unfailing love and unwavering support whenever I needed it. She was tenacious, and giving; foreboding and comforting, and I only hope that one day I am half the woman she was.

~K

"The history of our grandparents is remembered not with rose petals but in the laughter and tears of their children and their children's children. It is into us that the lives of grandparents have gone. It is in us that their history becomes a future."
Charles and Ann Morse

Post Secret of the week.

I used to do this with my MySpace....post the Post Secret that I related to the most that week. This one fits so well, it should stay for awhile, methinks.

"her confidence is tragic, but her intuition magic
and the shape of her body - unusual"
Train-Meet Virginia

Unapologetically me.

I have no patience. None. Not even a smidgen. I'm an instant gratification kinda gal, I am. "The best things come to those who wait?" Ha! Try again. This is evident in a lot of my life....apparently even how I play pool.

Met an online friend tonight for the first time, and we played pool. It would seem that my lack of skill was a concern, for he chose to chastise me, "I know you're not a patient person, but you need to at least take the time to line up your shot." Here I thought I sucked because I rarely played, and Mr. Psychic tells me it's just because I'm impatient.

I love my friends, especially my female friends. There is something special about being so close with a person that you can say "Do NOT wear that outfit out in public." or "I love you, but you can't dance." (Sorry, Heth) Friends can tell each other anything, without fear of retribution.

Friends I said. Not people you've just met.

I once went on a date with a man who interrupted me midstory to tell me I was too intelligent to curse as much as I do. (I informed him he could be my date...or my father....but not both. He chose date....I opted out.)

What the hell gives someone the right to subject me to their opinion on myself? And don't give me that "Free Speech" bullshit....I mean morally, not socially. I would never....NEVER....tell someone I'd just met that they needed to change something about themselves.

Sure, I can be a pain....but usually, I'm like...ummm...let's say....sushi. The first time you try it you think, "Hmm...not sure I'm going to try that again." Then as time grows on, it starts to grow on you....in a non-fungus way I mean. Of course, sometimes I'm like tequila....a good idea at the time, but too much can make you sick. Getting back to my point...

Look....I am who I am....and you are who you are. Honestly, if I told you that you need to shave your beard because it's not really hiding that double chin....or that your wardrobe makes you look like you're on your way to a Welcome Back Kotter reunion show.....and you DID change....I wouldn't want to be your friend anyway.

Be yourselves people. If you can't be you...what's the point in living?
~K

"Just be yourself, anyway that you want to.
Anyway that you can."
Morcheeba-Be Yourself

Once bitten, twice shy

It's funny sometimes how things can feel so wrong, that it makes you physically hurt....and your partner has no idea. There'd been some issues....some little stuff that just piled up....some bigger issues that I won't get into here, but issues enough that I couldn't bring myself to even think wedding plans. After telling Nate several times that we needed to talk, I finally got him to sit and listen....and he'd had no clue that anything was amiss.

Of course, he handled it in true male fashion....he blamed me. :/ Things got heated....we both got nasty....and at the end, neither of us could sleep. I got on the computer while he went downstairs to play a game for awhile. I chatted with my friend Roberto for a bit-sometimes it's nice to gain a male perspective. After a shot of rum, and some time, I finally felt sleepy again. I went downstairs to tell Nate I was going back to bed, and he joined me, where we had incrediably awesome sex. Funny thing...through all of this, our sex life hasn't suffered at all.

Things were still a little....uneasy this morning as he left for work, and through our various communication through the day. I had been napping when he got home from work, and he woke me up....resulting in awesome sex again. We ran some errands and he decided to take me out to my favorite Italian place on The Plaza, Brio ( http://www.brioitalian.com/) During our lovely dinner, he talked honestly and earnestly with me about how he wanted this to work. We decided to try counseling, which we had discussed before. After dinner, we went home, watched a movie with Short Stuff and went to bed....more amazing sex. :)

So, things appear to maybe be on the mend....then why am I still unsure? In the movie The Mexican the big question is "When two people love each other, when is enough, enough?" The answer, they claim, is never. Anyone who's been divorced can laugh bitterly with me. There has to be an enough. But when do you really know when it is? I put up with four years of hell the first time, but now, a month of strain makes me want to bolt. How much of this is legitimate concerns and how much is an over developed sense of survival?

In an ironic twist, on the way home the radio was playing Great White's "Once Bitten, Twice Shy" Nate asked me to explain exactly what that meant. I had no issue there, trust me.

So....what to do? At this point I think I'm just going to go curl up with the man I love, and let fate decide where it wants us...with a little help of course.

~K

"You told me I was the only one
But look at you now, it's dark, and you're gone
My, my, my, I'm once bitten, twice shy baby. "
Great White-Once Bitten, Twice Shy

Welcome!

While I already have three blogs I don't post in, I thought it would be nice to have a fresh, new one for wedding thoughts/ideas/pics/etc.

It's like those back-to-school supplies that I can't seem to resist even though I've been out of school a full decade now. Every year I manage to convince myself that I need new office supplies in September. Luckily, having a kiddo now, it's gotten a lot easier to justify. :) There's just something so promising about a fresh, clean notebook, or newly sharpened pencils.

Well, now I'm rambling, so I'll sign off for now.

~K